Sunday, 6 September 2009

Blooper #1, #2, #3

OK, so on there's a group where we write about bloopers in massage and I've written 3 on there already. I never wrote about them on here, so I'm re-posting them here so that those that aren't on that group can read about them here. Then I'll add more on here and just put a link to them from their site so that I don't take up that much room on their wall.


It's sad that I've got so many of these stories. I'll start posting the other ones after this....

OK, here are the ones I have posted already:

I'm from Northern Ireland and over there "Erasers" are called "Rubbers". So when changing a client's appointment time in front of her I forgot what country I was in and said I needed to find a rubber before I could change anything. It was a few seconds before I realized what I had just said. I then had to explain (with a very red face) what a rubber was where I come from. She came back anyway!

The following incident happened when I was working out of my home and it's a reminder to always ask the client if they want to use the restroom before leaving them to get ready.

I left the client to get on the table and went to the kitchen to warm up my rice back warmer. My house isn't totally open plan in that you can't see the kitchen if you come out of the room I did massage in, but you can hear what is going on. it took a couple of minutes to warm up the back warmer.
So I'm talking to myself in the kitchen and I come out and the client is standing there wanting to know if she can use my restroom.
The thing is, it's not so much that she caught me talking to myself - it's what I was saying.
I was practicing my Sean Connery impersonation.

OK, here's another one that happened on a home visit. Luckily I'd been working on the couple for years (and still do) but there's a lesson to be learned from this one too.

I was setting up for the massage in one of their bedrooms. I'm sure they wondered when they heard me yelp pretty loudly. The woman comes into the room and finds me standing very awkwardly - I think I look like I was playing twister by myself, but without the actual game. I also had a very red face.
"What's wrong?"
"Um...well...underneath my right foot there is a bug. Could you do me a favor and get me a tissue?"
She gets me the tissue and I very quickly get the bug and squish it (apologies to any Buddhists reading this). Luckily there wasn't too much of a "bug gut" issue on their carpet!

OK, this doesn't sound too bad, right?

The thing is, this was a HUGE freakin' mutant cockroach that had come FLYING off MY sheets when I was shaking them on the the table AND HIT ME ON THE HEAD before landing on the floor.
Thankfully the client didn't get to see the thing. Nor did she ask where the thing had come from.
I used to work in software debugging code. Now when I do an home visit I do a little different type of checking to make sure I don't have to debug in the literal sense - I also make sure I don't ever put my bag in the garage.


  1. Okay, that makes me feel better about sharing mine. I launder my own sheets and sometimes combine loads with my clothes. One time I was on an outcall to an elderly gentleman. On shaking out my fitted sheet, a thong (underwear) flew out from the elasticated corner! My face couldn't have been redder!

  2. Jyoti - that's funny. I fell for ya! That happened me once with a sock. I learned to do the laundry of the sheets on their own. If my big knickers had come flying out, it would have scared the client half to death.