"Irk"iness ain't good.....

Yesterday I got a phone call to my home phone from a telemarketer looking for someone at my business.

So rather than do the usual handling of telemarketers on my home phone (start saying the Lord's Prayer to them in Gaelic - gets rid of them and gets a bit of praying in at the same time - multi-tasking is fab), I needed to know where they got their their database info since having some database somewhere with my business name and a non-business number is just unacceptable.

What ensued should have been recorded.

Imagine one person with a funny accent on one end and another on the other (and I might be biased here, but the Irish chick could speak WAY better English) and on one side all the person is wanting to know is where the information on the database was retrieved from SO THAT IT COULD BE FIXED. Meanwhile, the person with the REALLY funny accent on the other end is trying to get the Irish chick to sign up for some online listing on some directory which is free at first, but then charges something like $49.99 (not $50, that would be too much) per month - daylight freakin' robbery.

I ended up being not very massage-therapisty on the phone. I was irked big time and I don't like being irked!

On the one hand I should be sympathetic to the telemarketer trying to do a job, but on the other, the fact that their info was wrong would affect my business in a bad way - I don't want potential client's calling my home phone. I get really annoyed when people don't listen and sit and follow a script that's put in front of them, if for no other fact that it shows that not only are they trying to brainwash whoever listens to them, but they have been brainwashed themselves. You'd have thought that if someone had started to ask them questions that their brain would actually kick into motion again.

That's my rant for the month!

Gaelic lesson #50

Lord's Prayer in Irish Ár nAthair atá ar neamh, Our Father, who art in Heaven go naofar d'ainm; hollowed be thy Name go dtaga do ríocht; Thy kingdom come go ndéantar do thoil ar an talamh Thy will be done on earth mar a dhéantar ar neamh. as it is in Heaven Ár n-arán laethúil tabhair dúinn inniu; give us this day our daily bread agus maith dúinn ár bhfiacha and forgive us our trespasses mar a mhaithimidne dár bhféichiúna féin; as we forgive those who trespass against us agus ná lig sinn i gcathú, and lead us not into temptation ach saor sinn ó olc. Amen. but deliver us from evil. Amen.

lesson

Pronunciation: This wee woman takes care of it: watch!

Just wondering......

What do you think?
On the one "hand" Wolverine does have his pluses - nearly too many to mention, BUT if he gets a bit annoyed at anything then the client's TrPs would have a little too much done to them (they'd be seared by W's claws) SO the client had better not break wind - which isn't really a relaxing situation to be in.
Terminator dude's hands would be pretty darn strong. Of course he'd need something covering them and a heightened level of tactile sensitivity - plus he'd need to be reprogrammed to terminate just the trigger points and not the whole human.

I dunno - it's a tough one.

(FYI: The new Terminator movie is brilliant.)
Gaelic lesson #49 "crag", pronoucned "crawg", meaning "claw"

It's good golfing weather....

....and Quadratus Lumborums everywhere are feeling it.


Q: What answer will you get if you ask a massage therapist about their opinion on the best sport to take up?
A: Varies, but the MTs that say "golf" are probably putting business first!

Gaelic lesson #48 "stangadh droma", pronounced "stanga droma", meaning "back strain"

A Massage therapist's Right Thumb looking for J.R.

Annie Liebowitz, eat your heart out!

Yes, people, that IS Southfork in the background and YES, that IS a wee cowboy hat on Artie.

No sign of J.R. I think he's too busy putting up solar panels.

If you're wondering why the picture is so bad, it's because the cops out Southfork direction don't like it when cars stop along the road in front of it to take pictures, so I had to take it really fast!

Can you imagine the conversation if I had been "caught"?

"S'cuse me, ma'am, why are you stopped along this road?"
"I'm taking a picture of my thumb with a cowboy hat on with Southfork in the background."
Just how would the conversation progress from there?

Gaelic lesson #47 "fear glas", pronounced "far glass", meaning "green grass" - Texas looks like Ireland these days since we've been having so much rain!

Question of the day

Am I the only female on the planet that has never seen an episode of American Idol? My husband doesn't watch it either. I believe there's only him and a goat-herder called Cvwenk on the outskirts of the Gobi desert that are the only other ones on the planet that don't tune in for it - and that's only because Cvwenk's tivo set is broken.

Gaelic lesson #46 "gabhar", pronounced "gavar", meaning "goat"

Playing with mud and fighting a fomentek

I did a mud wrap today. I don't do many wraps, but they're interesting since I think I kind of like wrapping people up like turkeys - think it appeals to my control-freaky side. Anyway, I tried something different today. I really don't want the client to get cold, since I have had a wrap before when I've been cold and I've decided I'd rather be frying my own spleen than have a cold wrap (well maybe not, but you get the point). So cold wrapped-up clients are unacceptable in this neck of the woods.

NORMALLY I use heated rice bags that I normally use as back warmers in massage. I put them in with the client when I'm wrapping them up to keep them nice and toasty. But today I decided to try out my fomentek bag. The directions say that I've to fill it up only a third of the way full with hot water.

This bag is massive. At least, it FELT like it was massive. When I brought it into the room I sat it on my wee useful table that I use for lots of things (that's why it's called my "wee useful table"). So water being water-like, the bag took on a new life of it's own and slowly rolled off the table. So I put it on the dresser and the bag sort of became like something out of Dr. Who and decided to go and have a walk around it too. It made all these scary noises while doing this, so the client had to check out what sort of Alien had come into the room - head up, looking around, worried vibes.

Anyway, I got it under control in the end and it worked well at keeping the client warm. She cooked up lovely. All I needed was to throw a few spuds and carrots around her and it would have been a cannibal's Christmas. The client was happy with the experience and when they're happy, I'm happy. Playing with mud is fun!

Gaelic lesson #45 "uisce", pronounced "ishke", meaning "water"

A Massage Therapist's Right Thumb watching hockey

Injury prevention is always at the top of Artie's mind, even when relaxing. The reason is obvious: injured thumb = not able to work = no income = starve to death on the street.

So Artie is extra careful, even if it just looks like that puck is going to come flying out of the T.V. screen, it's good to have a thumb-sized helmet.

Gaelic lesson #44 "haca", pronounced "hawk-a" meaning "hockey"

1945....1945.....1945

Remember that number.

They talk about that year on the History channel a lot, so it should be an easy one to remember.

I had a home visit yesterday where I forgot my iPod and my little speaker thing that I bring along. The room I was working in had a T.V. and the clients had Verizon FIOS. It turns out that channel 1945 in this area has meditation music running on it constantly, so I put it on and it worked like a charm. I heard a lot of Steven Halpern, some Enya and even a track off one of the Reiki CDs that I have. So 1945 is now ingrained on my brain in case I forget my iPod again. Although this information probably only applies to a small geographical area, it might help someone!

Oh, if the client doesn't have Verizon, and they have a computer in the room with a pretty decent speaker, pandora.com could be used. It's internet radio where you pick one artist and then it plays similar artists/tracks continually. One thing to look out for is whether someone else in the house is doing lots of work on the Internet though since it tends to suck up a lot of bandwidth. I also like to run it on my computer while I'm doing my accounts since sometimes I learn about new artists.

I've been on home visits before where my iPod battery has run out and it's just weird to work with no music in the background in my opinion. But then I'm a bit weird.........


Gaelic lesson #43 "radio", pronounced "raa-dio". I don't think I need to say what it means!

It's time to forget about your "Tribbles" and head to the movie theater.....

......because the best movie of the summer opened today.

At least I "think" it will be the best. Having just watched it, it will be hard to beat. But then the new Terminator movie comes out at the end of the month. May is a good month for movies - at least it is for this she-geek!
With the amount of stress that the crew of the Enterprise went through, you'd think they'd have a massage therapist on board.

I'm off to massage my wee Star Trek buddy

Gaelic lesson #42: "Beatha fada agus rath duit", pronounced "vayha fadda ug-us ra ditch", meaning "Long live and prosper" (sort of)

A Massage Therapist's Right Thumb celebrating cinco de Mayo

Following a little guitar playing, a couple of shots of Tequila and a siesta, Artie then dove thumb-tip first into a bowl of guacamole. Yum!

I thought that this day commemorated Mexico's independence, but it doesn't! It's actually a celebration of a battle nearly 150 years ago.

I learn a new thing every day!

Gaelic lesson #41 "taobh theas de teorainn", pronounced "teev hass d'terreen", meaning "south of the border"

A new type of body treatment?

Plastic surgeons can perform liposuction, but today I was thinking that this lowly MT might be able to provide "whole body suction". This service entails the roof coming off and you and your client get sucked up into a tornado. What fun! Oz, here we come!

I've been in session before when thunderstorms were so bad that the electric was cut off, but today was the first time I've been in session when the city's tornado alarms have gone off, so obviously we'd to move quickly.

That's life in Texas for ya - never a dull moment!

Gaelic lesson #40 "scamall mor", pronounced "skamel moar", meaing "big cloud"

"It's like a facial for my whole body"

I just did another ginger and lime salt glow for a client and that's what she said. Her skin felt great after the session. I think I'm going to have the salt glow as my "nicey" summer special. Normally I just deal with therapeutic massage, but this body treatment is so easy and cool and you see instantaneous results, I'm going with it.

Gaelic lesson #39 "samhradh", pronounced "sow-roo" meaning "summer"

It's OK to no-show me!

OK, so if I'd a dime for every no show I've had this week, I'd be 20 cents richer today. I haven't been great at sending out email reminders lately, so I should expect it!
When there are stories going around of an imminent pandemic and local schools start to shut down, I'm sort of OK with no shows these days.

My hope is that Stephen King's "The Stand" isn't about to be made a reality. I have to wonder who I'd be dreaming of though - the little lady on the farm or the wandering guy in the denim jacket?

Gaelic lesson #38": "muc", pronounced "muck", believe it or not, meaning "pig"

"My little Alien friend will be massaging your neck"

Don't you just love it when you're working on someone's back and then suddenly your stomach starts to make these really weird, LOUD noises right next to the client's head? It sounds like there's a dinosaur in your chest or like you're about to do a John Hurt impersonation on the table and have an alien burst out of you.

It might be handy to have a wee alien buddy work on the client's neck though - some of those knots need chewed!

Gaelic lesson #37 "goile", pronounced "gill-ye", meaning "stomach"

A Massage Therapist's Right Thumb doing Yoga

Yep, that's downward dog - thumbstyle.
(Plus the cutest wee yoga mat in the world).

Artie is very aware of all the benefits of yoga - increased flexibility, stress reduction, increased strength and body awareness.

Gaelic lesson #36 "madra", pronounced the way it looks! meaning "dog"

Gladiatorical thoughts.......

Back to my massage soundtracks......

"Gladiator". Surely it'll go down as one of the best movies ever made. Ridley Scott hit the nail on the head in every aspect, especially with the music. I try to keep the music slow and so I took the track "Duduk of the North" off the main soundtrack which speeds up towards the end with a "guitary bit", but it's still fits into the playlist well.

However, what thoughts come into the client's mind?

Is there anything more relaxing than the thought of some guy's family being slain for the sake of political gain and then he ends up in the Coliseum with other Gladiators, all fighting each other to death, smashing each other in the face with telephones?

Er....hang on......am I getting confused here?

Gaelic lesson #35 "scairt ghuthain", pronounced "ske-irt yeu-hinn", meaning "telephone call"

Wish all celtic women could sing like that......

.......just got back from the Celtic Woman concert.

Those chicks can sing!
Unfortunately this Celtic woman's singing could be used as a form of torture.

Gaelic lesson #34 "amhran", prounced "um-rahn", meaning "song"

Tea Parties - a very civilized way to protest!

One of my favorite clients and I often have conversations about interesting things that normally I steer away from in the massage room - politics, religion and the like. She's one of those special people that you can discuss such things with since she's so open minded.

Today she brought up the fact that there was a local tea party where people were protesting the government's handling of the economy. So, in my head I'm thinking "That's pretty darned civilized" and I'm imagining people sitting around with their bone china cups and saucers, maybe having scones with jam or pastry, picked off a lovely cake stand, all sitting on lawn chairs under a marquee. And then someone standing up, teacup and saucer in hand and having a wee rant about stuff. Lovely. I want to go to one!

It wasn't until the end of the conversation that I realized that an AMERICAN tea party is WAY different from an Irish one. My vision was totally squashed when she said that the tea party had caused a traffic jam that even made the traffic report on the radio. "People with teacups out on the middle of the road? Ohhhhhh.....THAT sort of tea party - Bostony type of tea party!". (You can tell I haven't been watching the news lately!)

Gaelic lesson #33 "cupan eile tae", pronounced "cup-on ay-ya tay", meaning "another cup of tea"

A home-made spa product and a product review combined

A few weeks ago I got a salt glow on a cruise ship. It was lovely. Expensive.....but lovely nevertheless. I happened to ask at the time about the product they were using and I was told it was a lime and ginger salt glow mixture. If you look back at previous posts you'll find a link to a long and tiresome description of my experience of the whole thing (which might put you to sleep - I AM in the business of relaxation, after all). Anyhoooo....when I asked how much the product was to BUY, I nearly had heart failure when I heard the price of a wee glass jar of the stuff, so I stopped myself.

I decided I was going to try and make my own.

So I used:

- REAL limes (yep, REAL - used their juice)
- REAL Ginger (REAL - juiced some of it in my juicer)
- Sea salt - fine grained
- Some Himalayan Bath Salts
- Pure Jojoba Oil
- few drops of essential oils

Why Jojoba oil? Well, I kind of like it. I read an ad in a magazine a while back where they were giving out free samples of it, so I tried it since it's pure - no chemicals and here's the great thing - IT DOESN'T MAKE SHEETS STINK. In the past I've been reluctant to do salt glows since I've found it doesn't matter how fast you get those sheets in the washer or what detergent you use, if there's oil on them, they'll stink. When I got the free sample I tested the theory and put some on a pillow cover, left it for a few days and then had a good old sniff at it - no smell! Great!

The mixture turned out fabulous. I had some of the mixture left over, so I put some in a little glass bottle with the flip top that I got from Michaels (for a buck) and gave it to the client afterward (I was sure to tell her to be careful if using it in the shower since it could turn her tub into a slippery widower-maker) and she loved it. Her skin felt FABULOUS - softer than a baby's butt.

I've also used the Jojoba oil for hot stone massage and it works well for that also - good "slide factor". No preservatives also mean that there's no weird chemicals getting into my system through my skin too, which is a nice thought. So I'm sold. I was quite pleased the little experiment turned out well. Now what will the next one be.........hmmmmmm........wonder if I could turn my vacuum cleaner into a lipo machine?

Gaelic lesson #32 "craiceann min", pronounced "crack-on minn", meaning "soft skin"

Getting stoned with aromatherapy......

...but not in the way you might think!

The other day I gave my aromatherapy bamboo display and all my bottles a good cleaning with that fungicide/bactericide/everything-under-the-sun-icide cleaning material. I also got a little "Monk" ish over my bottles all being lined up perfectly - they look so pretty! I also washed my wee stones that I keep on the display too.

I love my wee stones. They're from all over the place.

There's a wee stone from the beach in Greystones in County Wicklow, Ireland, another from the beach in Portstewart in County Antrim, another from Tulum Mayan ruins in Mexico, another from Florida and about 20 other places. It's just nice to have a collection of stones from my travels right there in the massage room, so when I go pick out the oil which suits the client best, I immediately get a relaxing vision of crashing waves on an Irish beach ......or Mickey Mouse.....or Mayans performing a human sacrifice - depends on the client!

Gaelic lesson #31 "cloch beag", pronounced "clough be-ug", meaning "small stone"

Platoonical thoughts.....

OK.....so I'm still playing my movie soundtrack playlist during massage.

One of the tracks on there is "Adagio for Strings" by Barber. It's one of those classical pieces of music that you'll stop doing anything and just listen to it since it's so beautiful. Anyway, having watched Platoon at least 20 times in my life, I've come to think that Oliver Stone used one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever made as a juxtaposition for the most horrible things that humanity can do (kill each other). I think.

The above photo is of Willem Dafoe's famous death scene, which mirrored a real photo from the Vietnam war.

So, I'm asking myself: Is there anything more relaxing than the thought of someone getting ripped apart by hundreds of bullets while being completely abandoned by his buddies?

Yep, I'm thinking I'll have to rip that music off my playlist too.

Gaelic lesson #30: "cogah", pronounced "coga", meaning "war"

My Reading Ability After Watching an Episode of Real Housewives

Gaelic lesson #29 "Ean mhor", pronounced "yun woar", meaning "big bird"

Those Guys at Google are SMART.........

Not only because they built the most popular search engine on the Internet, but in building and maintaining it, they realized the importance of massage in the workplace and have a massage therapist work on their engineers. Not only do they do this present day, but they realized the importance of it early on and the result was a massage therapist that later became a multi-millionaire.

Bonnie Brown, a massage therapist, was partly paid in stock options at Google. She started working there when it was just a small company and ended up a rich woman when the company IPO'd in 2004.

I love this story. Not only because just the thought of a member of our profession made it big by doing what we (and she) love, but there's the fact that she now spends her time as a philanthropist, helping others. That is so "massage therapisty"! Since I'm an ex-she geek and worked for 2 start up companies as a software engineer (both companies ended up in the proverbial toilet) I loved to hear the story of a company that made it. Her book was interesting - laugh out loud funny in a few spots, especially her "hot mussels" story on page 112. I think any massage therapist would enjoy this book not only for relating to what goes on in the head of another massage therapist, but for the entertainment value. It made me think that I would like to have a pint and a natter with Bonnie sometime, just to hear more of her entertaining stories.



Gaelic lesson #28 "Ta si lofa le hairgead", pronounced "Ta she low-va le hergad", meaning "She is stinking rich"

I don't know about your association.....

....but mine is brilliant.

I switched to ABMP a while back for a couple of reasons, one of which is too long and complicated to explain, and the other being that I heard that good things about them. I was on a course with 2 ladies from Beaumont, Texas (who were a blast, and if Sandy and Carol are reading this - you gals still make me smile when I think back on that course!) who sang the praises of their association after Hurricane Katrina hit and AMBP called THEM, not the other way 'round. They didn't have damage to their place of business, but I was impressed by the fact that their insurance provider actually took time out to make sure they were OK.

Anyhoo.....I'm impressed with their service. They provide a free website to their members which is easy to use, and even though I have a main website, I'm using their free website (they have a range of different templates to choose from) to get more visibility for my main site (links to my main site help with search engine optimization for it). BUT I had a brainfart when I entered the website domain name and misspelt "massage" - yep, you'd think that I'd know how to do that by now. It annoyed me that this happened and even though I won't be putting the domain name of the freebee site on anything, I just didn't like the fact that it was just wrong. So I emailed them and they got on to it right away. Nice as pie in their communications and efficient in executing what needed to be done. You'd think I had my own wee I.T. department. Oh, and they also provide a lot of cool printed material for your business and lots of good marketing advice.

So if any of you are thinking of changing associations at any time in the future, keep ABMP in mind. I think the acronym actually stands for "Association of Brilliant and Marvelous People".

Gaelic lesson #27 "daoine deas", pronounced "din-ye jass", meaning "nice people"

Condo-monium and an upset GPS

I had a home visit in a condominium complex recently that turned out to be an "I'm-in-need-of-a-massage" experience for me AND my GPS (who's name is Nuvinia).

I turned into this massive condo complex that had street names and building numbers, but could I find the building number that I needed easily? No. It so happened that a big cop car pulled in right behind me just as I was entering the complex. He saw me doing my first 3 point turn. No harm there. Meawhile Nuvinia is starting to do her: "Recalculating.......drive blah blah blah...to blah blah blah", but I ingore her and try to go by building numbers. She doesn't like it. "Recalculating...recalculating..drive blah blah blah to blah blah blah", then I do another 3 point turn, then another. "Recalulating....for goodness sake, woman, aren't you listening?". Nuvinia is about to burst a blood vessel in her head, if she had one.

Meanwhile, the cop car has found me again - he watches me do my fourth 3 point turn. I spot him in my rear view mirror and I'm just waiting on him turning on his disco lights.
I turn into a parking spot and wait. He looked at me for a while, then I think he saw my big magnets on the side of my car with my business name. He probably thought "There's a crazy massage lady that doesn't know where she's going" and drove on.

I was glad for those big magnets. Thank you vistaprint for providing them! You saved me the hassle of trying to explain that I was indeed lost.

Eventually all was well - I found where I was supposed to be. I sent calming vibes to Nuvinia and put her back to sleep. Poor Nuvinia - she deserves a wee virtual neck massage.

Gaelic lesson#26 "carr poilini", pronounced "car pollini", meaning "police car"

Just smile, smile, smile!

Don't you just love it when you decide to have a quick snack before a client's visit, just to keep your energy levels up. Then they arrive, you're all smiles, asking them how they're doing and where they're hurting, getting them situated. Then you come out of the room and look in the mirror to find that you didn't actually get all the snack into your digestive system at all - half of it is stuck on your front teeth.

I'm never smiling again.

Gaelic lesson #25: "moinghaire", pronounced "moyne-yarah", meaning "smile"

Post Real Housewives.

This be mee rite-in on my kompooter after lukin' at an episoad of Reel Housewifes.

Gaelic lesson: Wot Gaelic lesson? Wots Gaelic?

Allergy massage - uncool

At the minute I'm suffering from Texas spring allergies. Every year it gets worse. It gets to the point where I'm having to dose myself up with so many drugs to keep my congestion at bay, I can't function! Sneezing and sniffling around clients is completely uncool though, so it's better to be unable to function than uncool, right?

Gaelic lesson #24 "sron", prounced "shroan", meaning "nose"

Massage and the Recession - good for some?

My husband forwarded me an article from a Fort Worth newspaper on how some massage therapists are busier than ever. It turns out that I know one of the therapists in the article, Dannette, since I was on a course with her a while back - way to go Dannette! Not only on being busier than ever, but on getting more publicity from the article!

Gaelic lesson #23 "nuachtan", pronounced "new-och-tawn", meaning "newspaper"

Dragon Tamers on Cruise Ships - I salute you all!

Yes, this is one massage therapist's thumb with another Massage therapist's thumb! Artie made a friend on the cruise.

I went for a massage on the cruise. One of the perks of being in this industry is that we can learn from others and I find that if I write about massage then I usually come up with improvements that can be applied to my own business. So I always write a review of my massage visits where some analysis is done and a wee "to do" list is the result.

Gaelic lesson #22: "Cara", pronounced "kara", meaning "friend"

More investigation into The Real Housewives

I removed my own brain before watching 2 hours of the Real Housewives of New York (had to catch up on last week's episode) and after, just to see what happens.
Disintegration of the cerebellum was the first noticeable change.
After 2 hours, all that was needed was a little sprinkle of Parmesan cheese, some toast and "Voila......bon appetit!" as the Countess would say!
Gaelic lesson #21: "uibheacha", pronounced "eve-acha", meaning "eggs"

A Massage Therapist's Right Thumb on Formal Night on the Cruise

Yes, that is VINTAGE Yves St. Laurent.

Someone still needs to explain to me the difference between "Vintage" and "Old" (EXCEPT when you're talking about wine), other than the fact that it just sounds better.

Expect to see Artie's vintage dress on eBay soon - where people will be bidding more for it's "vintage"-ness!

Gaelic lesson #20 "guna", pronounced "goona", meaning "dress"

A Massage Therapist's Right Thumb on Vacation

Artie knows the importance of adequate protection from sun damage (since we come across so many people who have had skin cancer) and so uses a big hat AND a parasol. Sunglasses are also a must as a preventative measure against macular degeneration.

Gaelic lesson #19: "Gloini greine", pronounced "Gloynee greyneay", meaning "sunglasses"

A Massage Therapist's Right Thumb on St. Paddy's Day

Yes, that is a tiny Guinness.
This year Artie celebrated St. Paddy's Day on a cruise ship sailing around the Caribbean.

Gaelic lesson #18 "Seamrog", pronounced "shamroag", meaning "shamrock"

Good book....

Just as an FYI, if you want something worth reading that is relevant to this, the most important time of the year, then I recommend:




It's a fictional book about St. P along with some mythical characters and it's entertaining since it hints at the fact that Patrick may not have liked the Irish that much - understandable since he was enslaved there at one stage.
One of the reviewers of the book is Diana Galbaldon who gives it a thumbs up. Galbaldon wrote the Outlander series and well.........she made a lot of women happy by doing so. If Diana thought it was a good read (as do I) then it's a good read! Now off to the library with ye!

Gaelic lesson #17 "Leabhar", pronounced "lyore", meaning "book"

I wonder what St. Patrick was driving....

...when he "drove the snakes out of Ireland".
I wonder if whatever he drove was as big as a Lincoln Navigator.
Those things are massive. I bet the snake capacity of a Navigator would be around 2,532 medium sized snakes.

I'm not sure about the whole snake theory. I think there must be a more reasonable explanation for their disappearance, such as:

1. There are over 40 million people of Irish descent in the U.S., which only proves that the Irish are good at 2 things - leaving and reproducing. Leaving and reproducing has become "an Irish thing". Maybe the snakes were even more Irish than Irish humans and ALL of them left.

OR

2. The snakes got seasonal affective disorder, realized it and said "This sucks. Australia's sunny. Let's go."

OR

3. The snakes got fed up with being categorized into religions according to their skin color i.e. green snakes = catholic snakes, orange snakes = protestant snakes and decided to go somewhere where the brand of their Christianity or their skin color wouldn't matter (Jupiter).

OR

4. The snakes found themselves at a Daniel O'Donnell concert and had an epiphany where they suddenly realized they needed to emigrate. (If you don't know who Daniel O'Donnell is, you are truly blessed).


Gaelic lesson #16: "Ca bhfuil na nathair?", pronounced "Ka will na nayher", meaning "Where are the snakes?"

Floyd reference and a want for people that nick stuff

Last December I had a "momentary lapse of reason". Actually, it was more like a brain fart, but I just wanted to get a Pink Floyd reference in there and "momentary lapse of reason" just sounds so much more poetic.

The moment in question involved pens. I got a call from a company that make promotional products and they were offering this great deal on promo pens. Now, normally I would just hang up on such calls since pens just aren't really anything that I would be interested in and don't really "go" with massage therapy. Sure, clients write checks and they fill in client intake forms, but since it's not a "writey" intensive business, pens just don't seem like the most obvious promo product.
But the guy on the phone was so over-the-top in the sales pitch, SO OVER THE TOP that he made me laugh. It was like I was in a Saturday Night Live skit. So what happened? I ended up getting the pens. LOTS of pens with my massage business info on them. This was a lapse of reason on my part.

These may be like no other pens. I think they reproduce. No matter how many I give away, there always seems to be more. The box in which the pens live is like the biblical sack of fishes and loaves. I have a mission to get these pens out there......

I give the pens to clients. I "sneak" them on to counters at banks and grocery stores, hoping that the person behind me "nicks" pens (FYI "to nick" in British slang is "to steal" for those who haven't seen any Guy Richie movies or those terrible sitcoms from the 70's).
I throw them into the wee pen bucket of anyone that I come across that has one - my hairdresser, the guys at the post office. I have a stash of pens in my bag at all times - putting them here, putting them there, putting them everywhere.

So....if you happen to wake up and find that there are pens all over your house with the name of a massage therapy business on them. Never fear. It's only me paying a visit - the Santa Claus of pens.

Think I'll put another Floyd reference in here since they're shiney....

"No more turning away from the weak and the weary
No more turning away from the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be no more turning away?"

From the Song "On The Turning Away", off the Album "A Momentary Lapse of Reason" by Pink Floyd

Gaelic lesson #15 "peann", pronounced "pan", meaning "pen"

The Real Impact of Real Housewives.......

OK, so now I've been lured into watching The Real Housewives of New York and last night I actually recorded my I.Q. levels during the 60 minutes of life wasting. As you can see....it's worrisome.

Gaelic lesson #14: "Ta me bomanta", pronounced "Tah may bomancha", meaning "I am stupid"

Titanical thoughts.....

I love movies. Who doesn't?

I'm also a massage therapist who is picky about the music I play during my massage sessions and to be honest, I've never met a massage therapist who isn't. We're funny that way.

So combining these two facts, it's not surprising that I have compilations of soundtracks from movies that I sometimes play during the massage. Some of the music stems from the genius of Ennio Morricone to Vangelis to obscure soundtracks that are just uber-cool. I mix 'n' match and sometimes I don't think. Yes, one of my playlists has lovely, haunting music from the film Titanic. It just dawned on me today that this music, lovely though it is, may not be the most relaxing. Is there anything more relaxing than the thought of hundreds of people having the life sucked out of them by the dark, icy Atlantic?

Hmmmm.....methinks 'tis time to tweak that playlist.

Gaelic lesson #13 "Ta se fliuch agus fuar", pronounced "tah shay fluhck ugus foo-ar", meaning "it is wet and cold"

Massage Product Review #1

O.K., I know, there are LOTS of opinions out there, who needs another one, right? But this is just the humble opinion of a lowly therapist on an instructional DVD.
This first one is on the DVD: Frozen Shoulder Syndrome by Elaine Calenda.


Gaelic lesson #12: "Cad is ainm duit?", pronounced "Cad iss anim ditch", meaning "What is your name?"

It's official - I have the best client that a massage therapist could want....

......BECAUSE SHE BROUGHT ME THIS YESTERDAY.

Just how brilliant is this hat?

I am going to be STYLIN' this St. Paddy's Day!
Thanks D!


Gaelic lesson #11: "Is maith liom mo hata", pronounced "Iss my lyum muh hata" meaning "I like my hat"

Gratitude - got a large portion of it today

My massage therapist friend, Kelli (who, incidentally, is one of the coolest chicks on the planet) contacted me about the possibility of donating a service to a silent auction in order to raise money for a lady she knows who needs $20,000 for cancer treatment. The lady in need is only in her thirties.

Kelli suggested that she and I team up for donating an in-home couples massage, which I thought was a great idea since I have a feeling it will get more bids than the normal massage gift that I have given to silent auctions in the past. So we're going with that. Kelli also suggested that there may be a promotional aspect to the event in getting my name out there with business cards etc.

I don't regard silent auctions as a way to promote my business, although a lot of people say that it's a great way to get business exposure. My experience has been that the business benefit has come when the winning bidder becomes a regular client, which is great in itself, and then they refer their friends. What is really great about silent auctions for causes like this is the satisfaction of knowing that I'm donating time and work in order to help someone in need.

So I've got this gratitude thing going on today - I'm grateful for my health and the health of my family and friends. I'm grateful for being in a profession where I'm able to give to help someone in need and I'm grateful for a good friend who helped steer me into this state of gratitude! Cheers, bud!

Gaelic lesson #10 "Buiochas le Dia", pronounced "Bweeachhkus lay djeeah", meaning "Thank God"

Massage Magazine, I love you!!!!

Yes, I do. Deeply.
More so today than EVER since MY NAME IS ON page 27 of the MARCH 2009 edition! FAME!! AT LONG LAST!

Yep, went to the mailbox today, got my new magazine and saw that there WAS indeed an article on marine therapy. Turns out that the author of the article , Phyllis Hanlon, had contacted me a while back about seaweed wraps and mud wraps, so I'd told her about how us Irish are all over the seaweed thang and have been for centuries. We even eat the stuff sometimes, especially if there's a potato famine going on and such (not that I was actually around in the 1840's).

So now I'm laughing my butt off at the fact that my name is in one of my favorite mags EVER!!!!! Seriously. I have kept every edition of this mag since 2003, it's that cool a magazine - and I am NOT one to horde magazines. I just keep this one and 1 other magazine that is specific to the massage therapy profession since they have such useful articles in them. I even get a wee bit Gollum-y over my collection, petting the magazines and saying "Precious........my precious......" over and over.

Phyllis, you rock! And Massage Mag, I love you!

Gaelic lesson #9: "Ta gra agam duit", prounounced "tah grah ugum ditch", meaning "I love you"

The wee ergonomics lady - friend or foe?

The other day a client made me laugh when she referred to herself as an "ergonomic failure". Apparently the "ergonomic lady" at her company had come around and had to do a lot of adjusting of her chair and general set up at her desk, so much so that my client felt completely inept in the whole area of ergonomics.

Now, in normal circumstances, I view the little ergonomic lady as a friend since she is helping people from getting into bad positions at work, "ergo" she's on the same team as far as keeping people from being in a state of pain.

However, in a recession, non-massage-therapisty thoughts enter my head. People are losing their jobs left, right and center. Out of the people that have jobs, it's the ones with bad backs that actually keep us afloat. They're our bread and butter.

So then I start to think: "What if the wee ergonomic lady could be paid off to actually create worse posture for people at their desks?", then "What if I could put a hit out on the wee ergonomic lady? I wonder how much it would cost to get the wee ergonomic lady "whacked"?"

This all goes to show that I've watched WAY too many episodes of The Sopranos.

Gaelic lesson #8 "Ceann na capall", pronounced "Kee-un na kapall", meaning "horse's head". If you "get this" then visit this site.

Dollar Tree Madness

I like to get stuff for a buck. Yes, I admit to shopping occasionally at dollar stores. One thing I'm always on the look out for are relaxing CDs made by "Body and Soul". They have different ones with different types of relaxing music - e.g. one is called "Music for Reading", another is "Natural Sleep". I really like them since I give them to clients. I put a printed address label on the back of the CD covers with "A wee gift from..." followed by my business info. I like giving them since it's something that can help keep client's relaxed after the session and it's just nice to give them something. It's really great when I hear that people are actually listening to them and using them to unwind.

Well, it's always hit and miss when these CDs are available in the store. Most of the time I only get a few of different ones since they seem to run out of them fast, but when there's a stack of them I get a lot. So yesterday I ended up with 20 copies of the "Peaceful Moments" CD.

The girl at the register swiped all 20 of them individually and said "You REALLY like this music, don't you?"

"Yep, I really, really, really really, REALLY, really like it. Really."

Gaelic lesson #7 "Ceol alainn", pronounced "kee-ol aw-linn", meaning "beautiful music"

Introduction to an MT's right thumb

Name: Right Thumb
Nickname: Artie (it's a play on R.T)
Interests: Opening things, expressing positivity ("O.K." or "Everything's cool"), scratching the side of a cat's face, palpation, alleviating pain in people
Moved by: abductor pollicis brevis, adductor pollicis, first dorsal interosseous, flexor pollicis brevis, opponens pollicis, abductor pollicis longus,
extensor pollicis brevis, extensor pollicis longus, flexor pollicis longus
Fears: Cuts, bites, mutilation, being severed from right hand and hyper extension which leads to no longer being able to work (Artie's nightmare)
Hopes: To be the Jason Bourne of Trigger Point therapy
Friends: Right hand, especially right knuckles since they share the same interests in trigger point handling

Gaelic lesson #6: "ordog" pronounced "ordoag", meaning "thumb"

Today I think I felt my I.Q. drop 20 points in 60 minutes

Yep, you guessed it. I watched an episode of "The Real Housewives of Orange County"

Gaelic Lesson #5: "Go raibh maith agat", pronounced "Gura mie ugut", meaning "Thank you"

Swedish Massage? How about "Irish Massage"?

Since we're nearly at the end of February, I thought it time I updated my website and got rid of my "Valentine's Day Specials". The next big promotional day for gift certificate sales in the massage world is Mother's Day.
So....I decided to have a brainstorming session with my multiple personalities (Sybil, Phoebe and Meryl) and come up with Mother's day specials. One thing we've decided on is a "Mum-to-be" special for pregnant ladies.

According to statistics, it costs approximately $500,000 to raise a kid. So I'm going to give the Mum's-to-be a break on their prenatal massage. Most people charge more for prenatal massage, so I'm going against convention here, but who wants to be conventional anyway?! Plus I like working on pregnant women since I'm actually working on 2 people at the same time. How cool is that?

I've got a prenatal table, which works well 99.9% of the time (if not, then I work on the client side-lying) and the clients love it. Complete with holes for breasts and an adjustable sling in a hole for the belly, it means that the pregnant client can lie face down.
Sometimes I wonder if the set up would work for those of us that have imbibed a little too much Guinness in our lifetime. "Got a beer belly and not able to lie face down? Never fear, Guinness loving massage now available."

Hmmmmmm.....might be a possible niche there....St. Patrick's day is coming up......."Sybil, Phoebe, Meryl!!! Time for another brainstorming session!!!"

Gaelic lesson #4 "Ta me go maith", pronounced "Tah may g'moy", meaning "I am well"

Dragon slayers.....or tamers?

The dragon in question being that big, nasty STRESS DRAGON - NOT a cutesy Eragon-y type one. The STRESS DRAGON is a troublesome beastie, but thankfully there are groups of people out there trying to slay him. Consider the teams:

The Red Team: Personal trainers - helping clients get de-stressed through exercise. These guys 'n' gals have mega-strong hamstrings and quads, so they're able to kick the livin' daylights out of the critter.

The Green Team: (Hey - Irish, remember?) Massage Therapists. Our metaphorical swords are our hands, employing the use of a hec of a lot of tapotement.

And last, but not least, The Earth Colored Team: Yoga Instructors. They can get away with wearing the earth colors since they all look like runway models. These peeps have the dragon balance on it's tail, with it's back legs wrapped around it's neck 5 times.

We're all out there, surrounding the stress dragon, doing our thing.

This is how I have previously viewed stress in my head. However, recently I've began to think I need to change that. Here's why......

I'm sure most of you have heard the story of Mother Teresa and the anti-war rally. If not, the basic story is that when Mother Teresa was asked to join an anti-war rally she graciously declined, then said something along the lines of "When you have a peace rally, let me know, and I'll go to that". I've read this in a couple of books, and many of the writers on self-development say that we shouldn't be "against" or "anti" anything, instead we should be "for" the opposite.

So my picture of the dragon slaying must change. Instead of us fighting it, we'll pet it, give it copious cups of tea (maybe the odd scone) and have it purring, mellow and tamed!

Gaelic lesson #3 "Cad e mar ata tu?", pronounced: "Kadjay marr a-taa too?", meaning "How are you?"

The Pursuit of a Biel-butt and a little business promotion

I did it.
I crawled out of bed and got over to the gym early.

In normal circumstances I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards when I go to the gym, but I thought I'd better put a little effort into this since there is a possibility that my personal trainer client MIGHT just put in a good word for me and I envisioned myself shaking hands with other gym-goers etc. I ALSO HAD A BIT OF INSPIRATION. Rather than putting on the most wrinkled t-shirt on the planet (my usual attire for the gym) I decided to put on a t- shirt that I made a while back that has the domain name of my massage business on the back of it. When I say "made", I mean that I just got a plain t-shirt and did an iron transfer thingy from a .jpeg that I created on the computer.

So off I traipsed with referral cards and some other promotional stuff to give to the trainer, ready to shake everybody's hand and do a lot of business card dispensing.

Only to find the personal trainer wasn't there!

No worries - I got my butt onto the precor machine and did a cardio session. As I'm turning myself into a sweat-ladened drowned rat I'm thinking:

"Wonder if those peeps behind me are looking at my domain name? Or are they thinking "I don't think I want that sweaty mass touching me" ?"

Whatever.......Biel-butt making AND ingraining my domain name into the heads of gym-goers all at the same time? Well, there's nothing like killing 2 birds with the same stone (I actually don't like that phrase since I feel sorry for the birdies.....)


Gaelic lesson #2: "Dia is Muire duit" pronunciation: "Djeeah iss murrah ditch", translation: "God AND MARY be with you" - it's the usual reply to "Dia duit" and just shows that one upmanship is prevalent wherever you go in the world!

The most used word by a massage therapist...

....surely must be "scoot".

"OK now, if you'll just turn over and scoot down the table a wee bit"
"Just scoot down a bit more...that's it, just to get your head off the face cradle"

Going off subject here....
If anyone ever reads this blog I'd like them to get a bit of education on something that will be REALLY useful to them in life. What is more useful than Gaelic? From now on with every post I will add a line of Gaelic, the pronunciation and the translation.

The benefit? When a telemarketer calls and you just can't be bothered, start talking Gaelic to them and they'll soon hang up. Brilliant!

Gaelic lesson #1: "Dia duit" pronounced "Djeeah ditch", meaning "God be with you" or "Hello"

Valentine's Day Aftermath

It's over. One of the busiest weekends of the year and even with this recession, there was a lot of demand for massage - a good thing, but I'm knackered! I need a massage!

Anyway, I was sort of pleased with myself on one thing. I worked on a physical trainer and his girlfriend yesterday - nice people. I'm hoping that the physical trainer was impressed enough to send some of his clients my way, and the fact that he's at my local gym most of the day SHOULD motivate me to get my butt over there a lot more often, get more exercise and MAYBE more clients as an add on, just by having him in the same area.

So it's on my list of things to do for this week.....go to gym with referral cards and tell him that for every 5 people he sends me, I'll give him a massage.

Then work out for 2 hours, get consistent about doing that, and have a butt like Jessica Biel's by the end of April......miracle's do happen.